You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize