He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
