Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
