and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
