i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
