"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
