You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
