I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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