My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
