like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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