so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
