break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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