dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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