He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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