I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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