I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
