Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sext me about skeletons
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
