so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
