I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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