i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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