Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
