dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
one might say we're banned from that church
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
