last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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