That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize