I am puke
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
two words...techno handjob
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
