You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
