I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
