just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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