I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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