I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
