i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
