I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
