morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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