fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
