saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
