you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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