I bet he comes in French.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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