Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
