This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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