Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
