She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
