put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
