yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
