Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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