I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
