It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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