I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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