when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
