out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
