I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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