are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
