i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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