Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
what day is it and did you see me today?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
