I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
