Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
