Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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