My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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