is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
