I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
