it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
