I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
