Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
