Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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