I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
