Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
