She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
