Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
