I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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