Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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