I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
