I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You are the jesus of drinking
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
