Buhtt sex?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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