I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
