So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
