i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
if only i could text you this smell
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
