uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
