Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
