My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
