yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
