I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
