Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
