Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
