p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
