failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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