Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
