Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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