Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
