He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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