I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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