i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
