Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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