i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
