may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
